The Plumber’s 135 Rule: The Sacred, Mysterious, and Totally Made-Up Secret of the Trade
Because plumbers have codes… and then there’s THIS.
Every trade has its secrets.
Electricians have wiring diagrams.
Carpenters have chisels older than human history.
Bricklayers have their sacred string lines.
But plumbers?
They have something deeper. More ancient. More powerful.
They have The Plumber’s 135 Rule.
You’ve never heard of it?
Of course not.
They don’t tell customers.
They barely tell apprentices.
It’s whispered behind boilers and muttered under sinks.
Today, we break the silence.
So… What IS the Plumber’s 135 Rule?
According to plumbing folklore, the 135 Rule states:
“Whichever job you start, it will require:
1 trip to the merchant,
3 unexpected problems, and
5 minutes of pretending you knew this would happen.”
This rule explains EVERYTHING about the plumbing universe.
Let’s break it down.
1 — One Trip to the Merchant (HAHAHA, just kidding)
Officially, the rule says “one trip.”
In reality?
A plumber will make:
- 1 planned trip
- 3 unplanned trips
- A quick dash to get something called a “15mm compression widget that only Kevin sells”
- And one emotional trip to the coffee shop to recover from what they just saw under your bath panel
The customer always asks:
“Didn’t you bring everything with you?”
Yes.
They brought everything.
It’s just that your house contains “plumbing surprises” no van is big enough for.
3 — Three Unexpected Problems (Minimum)
Every plumbing job contains at least three plot twists.
Examples include:
🔧 Problem 1:
A pipe that has been cut, bent, or bullied into a shape that defies geometry.
Usually done by the previous homeowner at 10pm on a Tuesday with YouTube confidence and a hacksaw.
🔧 Problem 2:
A fitting that absolutely, categorically, refuses to come loose.
No amount of swearing helps (though plumbers still try).
🔧 Problem 3:
A leak that appears ONLY when someone is watching.
Left alone? Dry.
Plumber nearby? Niagara Falls.
Bonus problems:
- A valve that crumbles to dust
- A screw that was installed by an angry giant
- A section of pipe held together with pure optimism
And this is before the kettle has boiled.
5 — Five Minutes of Pretending They Knew This Would Happen
This is the most important part.
A plumber will always, ALWAYS act like they expected every bizarre thing your house throws at them.
You:
“Is that pipe meant to go uphill?”
Plumber:
nods wisely
“Yeah… seen it before.”
You:
“Why is water coming out of the wall?”
Plumber:
“Standard, really.”
You:
“Why does my toilet roar like a dragon when it flushes?”
Plumber:
“Nothing unusual.”
Inside, they are screaming.
On the outside, they are zen masters of professionalism.
Why Plumbers Live by the 135 Rule
Because it keeps them sane.
Plumbers deal with:
✔ Pipes installed in ways that should be legally impossible
✔ Boilers held together by hope
✔ Leaks with bad attitudes
✔ Bathrooms designed by someone who clearly hates humans
✔ Homeowners who say “It only leaks sometimes”
The 135 Rule is less a guideline and more a coping mechanism.
Examples of the 135 Rule in Action
🔥 Fixing a tap
1 trip for a washer
3 problems involving rust, scale, and a screw welded by time
5 minutes pretending the kitchen tap wasn’t cursed
💧 Installing a new toilet
1 trip for a flush valve
3 problems: wonky flange, missing screws, pipe in the wrong postcode
5 minutes pretending the toilet isn’t judging them
🔥 Boiler repair
1 trip for the part
3 problems involving “mysterious noises”
5 minutes pretending the boiler didn’t just hiss at them
Final Thoughts: The 135 Rule Keeps the Plumbing Universe Together
You may think plumbing is about pipes, pressure, and fittings.
But deep beneath the leaks and the tea breaks lies the ancient wisdom of:
1 trip
3 problems
5 minutes of pretending everything is completely fine
Respect the 135 Rule.
Cherish it.
Fear it slightly.
And the next time a plumber sighs, stares at a wall, and says “Interesting…”
know that the 135 Rule has officially begun.
